My Whole World
These are my kids, my world. They motivate and inspire me to be a better person everyday. Watching them go from tiny, clingy, needy little humans who rely on me for their every little thing, to these awesome, caring, creative, and independent young people with opinions and amazing thoughts and feelings has been a real journey. Their father and I were split up before any of them were five years old. So, although my oldest does vaguely remember Mom and Dad fighting, none of them remember us being a “family.” Ill talk about my journey with my ex-husband another time.
My journey as a single mother, has been worth every sleep deprived, emotionally and physically draining moment, filled with so many more moments of fun adventures, loves, cuddles, game nights, camp-outs, s’mores nights, and special dates with Mom. Moments of watching my oldest, who is on the Spectrum, overcome struggles with social anxiety, speech therapy, ABA sessions, new challenges in school and life. He has amazed me at how easily he has managed to navigate every hurdle he has encountered. At one point after his diagnosis, I felt like my vision for his life was completely shaken up like a snow-globe. I was troubled with a lot of mixed emotions, guilt, worry, sadness, and anger. After some time to absorb the news and do some research on Autism, I decided this was not going to be the thing that defined my son. He was eight when he was diagnosed, so he was old enough to understand some of what was going on. So once i had some time to deal with how we were going to confront this, I sat down with him and we talked about how all this meant was that his brain processes things differently and other then that, he is capable of doing anything he wants to do, and that’s exactly how we have lived.
Moments of watching my middle kid find his place and his voice in the chaos that is his brother and sister and their “special needs.” He has always been my kid who sits in the background and stays out of the way. He loves helping Mom or Grama with whatever needs to be done around the house. He loves his stuffed animals, collects them everywhere we go. Mr. GQ from the day he could express an opinion about this clothing. He was OBSESSED with big bird and elmo when he was a little guy, he had a big bird shirt he wore all the time. His big bird and elmo bottles were the only two i could get him to drink anything out of. I cut the tip of his elmo and big bird binkies to get him to stop using them and he just chewed the tip off so it did not pinch him anymore and then sucked on what was left. He is my crafty, sneaky, clever, funny bug. He has always been the smallest out of all my kiddos, and i used to find him hiding in cupboards, pushed up in the dashboard of the cars and in trees. Currently, as a teenager, he is a smartass, funny, smart, and very aware of his appearance now. Just dyed his hair blue yesterday. I am starting to see this young man before me these days. Makes me shed a tear for the little baby boy who always used to cuddle me and follow me around asking for “uppies,”
Moments like with my daughter, my sweet princess, the last of my babies. After my two boys, I was done having babies, my pregnancies were not easy at all. However, she came along and surprised us. I was scared to be a mom of a girl, as i didn’t always have the best relationship with my mom, nor have i ever been very in touch with my girly side. However, once she came along, it came just as easy to be a mom to her, as it was with the boys. It was fun to put her in cute little dresses and outfits, do her hair like a little doll. She wont let me anywhere near her hair these days LoL. She has always been a mommy’s girl and still is to this day. We spend quite a lot of time together. She loves doing her hair, although so far all I’ve let her do was bleach and dye the ends of her hair. Her hair is very dark, so we don’t do it that often, cause at 12 years old i don’t want her bleaching her hair a lot. She is super girly, very into her makeup, nails, and dress-up, but fortunately she has a very girly aunt who can handle those things for me. My angelfish deals with ADHD, was not diagnosed till about three years ago. She has always struggled in class to stay in her seat and pay attention to her teachers. She was having issues with her friends on the playground, always in the middle of some kind of drama. She couldn’t ever keep things organized. At first, i went right back into my research routine to figure out how to deal with this holistically, but as she has entered puberty and gotten her period, it has become necessary to put her on medication to help her concentrate in class. It was a very difficult choice to make as i don’t really like to medicate my kids, but it was what felt best for her for now.
My kiddos all have experienced some form of bullying in school during elementary and middle school. So when my littler two were in 4th and 5th, and my oldest in 7th, I decided to pull them out of public school and bring them home to do home-school. That only lasted about three months, cause as it turned out, I am not equipped to create three lesson plans for three different grades, help them through any struggles they were having educationally, and then grade all those assignments. So we moved onto a charter school program, they were in class for two days out of the week, with teachers, and the other three days of the week, they were at home filling out packets of work. After two years of that, it just isn’t working for us, so we have made the decision to put them back into public school. My two little’s are now in Middle School and my oldest is getting ready to go into 10th grade. So besides it being academically better for them to be in public school at this point, socially i think they will enjoy all the aspects of High School. I worry I am not making the right choice always, no matter what i chose, but that’s what parenthood is right? We have no manual, we just go with out gut and our heart and hope that we are making the best choices for them. Never going to regret fighting for my kids, never going to regret the hard days, the exhaustion or any of the things that make you wonder why anyone would want to be a parent, because every time my kids come to me and hug me and say “thanks mom” or confide in me, especially these days that they are getting older and become their own people, I am reminded this is the most rewarding job ever. I love you three more then anything in this world, thanks for letting me be your mom.